What I learned (not to do) from my Mother (hopefully)

I really enjoy summer. I love the warm. I live for the sun.

I even like my kids out of school. Yes, there are some days where it gets a little crazy but hey, everyone gets a little crazy some days. I am grateful that they have each other to play with on days when they don't go to a friends' house.

My favorite sound is hearing my two little (not so little anymore) kids playing together in one of their rooms or in the back of the car when we're driving somewhere.


I LOVE that sound. In fact, as I'm writing this, I can hear them laughing and playing some weird game that I don't know the name of or don't know the rules of and I don't care.

Because for a few moments, they're happily getting along. A lot to ask for in the prime years of a (almost) 12 and (almost) 10 yr old sibling of the opposite sex. I know that they are tearing their rooms apart; I can almost see the sheets being ripped off the bed.

And I should be caring that the room is going to look like a hurricane hit it (this is due to my extremely strict up-bringing from my recently departed mother who NEVER EVER let us play in our rooms).

But I don't ...... at least right now. I'll probably grumble about it to them later tonight and grouse about how their rooms need to be at least a LITTLE respectable since they are old enough to know better (I also am old enough to know that I shouldn't eat Twinkies or donuts, but do I stop? No).

But as I have reminded my children time and again, my bark is FAR FAR worse than my bite. I have a loud voice but I'm quite harmless. I haven't raised a hand to the kids since they were two when I suddenly realized that my mom was wrong; spanking is not a helpful tool while disciplining children. They don't have to fear that I may beat them over the head; I just make a lot of noise.

I don't call them names when I find myself getting angry about something really dumb that they have done. (Mom ... again, not okay to call your kids names when in anger; you can NEVER take back the hurt even if you apologize 1,000 times)

I am on a constant learning curve, trying to undo what my mother taught me as "normal," which is not easy to do.

"Normal" to us was:
Not playing in our rooms.
Not eating again or going into the kitchen after any meal.
Not sitting on couches if they weren't in the family room.
Not changing clothes more than once a day.
Not putting away our own clothes after they were clean or any other sort of responsibilities.
Not building forts with couches, blankets, pillows, etc.
Not having other kids over to the house to play -- not inside the house -- in the garage.
Not having any visitors at the house for any length of time.
Not having any sort of party or get together without complete tension because they were going to mess up the house.
Not sleeping in later than 8 and staying in pajamas if you choose (this one is flexible; once in awhile is okay, not everyday).

These things are things that should be a PART of growing up ... however, not for me.

And I'm learning. And sometimes it's hard.

Sometimes I find I'm biting my tongue so hard from the tension, it bleeds. Family or social gatherings are a huge source of anxiety for me and yet once they happen, it turns out OK (thanks to Bob for helping me with that concept!), but it's still there.

And I'm learning.

Which is why I love this sound I'm hearing; rolling around on the floor, laughing, screaming sometimes, laughing again .......... because I cannot imagine my mother EVER letting us play like this and actually ENJOYING the sound.

Mom, you really missed out. I'm sorry you couldn't enjoy the times when we were noisy and playing for fear of the mess.

Of course ...... now that I'm done writing, I'm now hearing the sounds of not-so-happy kids.

Sigh. The moment is gone. I'll just have to wait for the next time.