Robee the Magnificent Magician and his Lovely assistant, Felix

So .... this is what the past three weeks have been leading up to ... the annual Presidents Elementary Variety Show.

Robee and Felix have been going to rehearsals for the past three weeks for this show. I'm glad it's over but I love watching my kids on stage. I loved being on stage and I miss it sometimes but I really love seeing them have a good time with the audience. They have no choice but to be hams with their parents being past thespians. We've told them that hundreds of times.

They did this show during a school assembly and then later that night for the parents. The first time, the trick went a little askew (and we chalked it up to being a dress rehearsal anyway) but the second time, it was flawless.

And yes, we actually rented a tuxedo for Robee to wear. Seriously, would you expect any different from us? Felix's costume came from Party City and is a "Bollywood" skirt and top but she rigged it so it looks like a dress. She's so clever!

I think the dove was slightly traumatized from the amount of testing we did at home. You see, they never actually rehearsed the tricks at rehearsal because what would be the point of the surprise?? All the kids would figure out the trick and then the secret would be out and a magician never reveals his/her secrets. Which is why Felix was his assistant so that the secret would stay safe in the family.

It was fun but tiring and right in the middle of our remodel of the rooms as well as trying to get ready for the appraisal .... which is tomorrow ...... which means I should be painting instead of blogging ...... which means I'm done here.

WARNING: The Following Post contains explicit, adult language which explains bodily functions to a 10 yr old boy

If you're super sensitive to anatomical descriptions, then you probably should read something from the "Sweetest Blog" file and skip mine.

However, if you're an adult in the medical field or a parent or both, then read on and enjoy my hell.

I wasn't going to post this but at the behest of my big kids (thanks Ben and Jen), I'm writing it down for posterity. So if you really love him, don't mention this post so that he and I can keep talking --- at least for awhile.

This was Robee.
This was Robee as an infant. Big head, big eyes. Sweet as sugar. Didn't talk until he was almost two.

This was Robee during his favorite time of the day: bath time. He would sit for hours, playing in the water. So sweet. So innocent.

Fast forward to three days ago.

"Mom? What's a douche bag?"

Okay. Breathe. First explain what a douche is -- in French.

"Well, in French, the word "douche" means to shower. Is that what you're asking?" knowing perfectly well that that is NOT what he meant.

"No. I mean DOUCHE BAG."

So I launch into what a douche is and what it does and where it goes and why it is, remembering my reading years ago about answering kids' questions as best as you can, as honestly as you can - without turning into my mom. Had it been my mom? She would have FLOWN to the school, demanded to see the boys who were using the "dirty" language and had them all expelled.

I digress.

Then ----- "What's a rapist?"

Ooooookaaaaaaaaaay. So far, this ride in the car to karate was NOT turning out the way I had imagined.

So I explain that one as well and then, the flood gates open.

He tells me that some of the boys at school are taking cheese sticks -- the deep fried kind that you cook in the oven - putting them on their crotch and squeezing them and then screaming "Ah!! It's coming out!" He says that he doesn't do it and not all the boys do just some of the grosser ones (oh good; so there's a measuring stick for the grossest - nice).

I tell him "Sometimes boys call each other names that are gross to see if they can embarrass each other - even if they don't know what it means. Sometimes they repeat what other kids or older siblings say, again - even if they don't know what the word means. And cheese stick thing - well, some boys just like to play with their penises or things that look like their penises; it's just what they do."

Then he says, "OH MAN! I don't play with my penis!!" This is the kid who, when he was two and I would change him, would ask me to close my eyes so I couldn't see him naked.

So ends another exploration into the growing vocabulary of a public school system kid. That doesn't mean I wish he were home-schooled; he'll learn that stuff at some point in time. I just wish it weren't so soon even though I know in my head, it's really NOT that soon; he's 10.

He's up for his "Maturation lesson" for fifth grade in the spring time and I personally think they should teach that stuff much earlier. Luckily, I've already talked with him about some of the things he'll hear so he shouldn't be TOO shell-shocked.

I'm grateful however, that he felt comfortable enough to come to me and ask me; I would have NEVER done this with my mom -- but times are different and I'm different too.

The one good thing is that he will still come and kiss me on my head, hug me before he leaves and tell me I'm the Best Mom in the Whole World --- so I don't think this little wrench in his learning curve is going to harm him much.